Marriage is a contract that needs to be renegotiated often, as what we expected from it absolutely changes with the ups and downs that life presents.
Holding the other to unrealistic expectations, made at a time when all we really knew of them, was that they fit into the illusion of marriage we held, is futile. If our expectations are not met a divide is created and filled with resentment, blame or regret which is the result of the disappointment that our altered illusion brings.
Do we really know our partner? Did we really know them when we wed? What are their expectations for themselves and of us today? You may be surprised to know their expectations have not altered even though time and circumstance has. That alone would be interesting to know.
"When we married you said you would stay home with the children and I would go out to work." Reply "Not until they're 30". Renegotiate!
I suggest you fill the box with questions and answers that allow you to really get to know how you both feel today. Life changes us through its joys and hardships and how we respond or react will be different to our partner as we are individuals not clones of each other because of a marriage certificate or pairing.
On reflection you may say " I married them because we both wanted a big family. Same values! But what if one of you is barren? What if one or more of those children die? What if your idea of parenting is totally opposite to theirs?
A crack in your illusion forms.
Sometimes we don't ask the question because we don't want to know the answer and other times we demand it and still we are not satisfied. Why? We want to hold onto the illusion even if it leaves us wallowing in disappointment or regret.
HOPE without action is just DISAPPOINTMENT in stasis.
Stop punishing yourself and others for your unfulfilled expectations.
Let it go, renegotiate!
©2014 Lisa Holmes / My Brilliance®